love painting rainbows

living love and creating rainbows

The Not so Glamorous Part(s) of Mamahood January 24, 2012

Filed under: Mamahood — lovepaintingrainbows @ 11:14 pm

I am going to expose myself a little bit here. I am stepping out and trusting that you who read this have experienced the same, or at least can relate. I need to do this so that I know I am not the only one who has rough days followed with frustrated thoughts in regards to the responsibilities of being a mama.

The last few days have been a struggle for me, and even Ben, with parenthood. Mathias has been really whiney, grumpy, and waking up screaming in the middle of the night just to be held for a little bit. Wait, I need to back up a bit and say this: I LOVE my son. I wouldn’t want him any other way. Having said that… sometimes (like lately), I get so overwhelmed that I wonder things like, “What the hell am I doing being a mom?! I can’t do this! I don’t even know what I’m doing! I cannot listen to one more whiney cry! Why  is this happening to me right now?!”, and worst of all, “I wanted to wait like three more years!!! God, why??”.

I know, this sounds really selfish, ungrateful, and ridiculous. I have to believe I am not the only [good] mom out there who has thought this! Not that that justifies my thoughts, but to know that other moms have felt this way and survived gives me hope. I know that life is moving on and there are always going to be good and bad days. I know that my son is a precious miracle that I am so blessed to have.

Have you ever felt this way? What a weird, crazy role this parent thing is. So much love and so much frustration felt all at the same time. Sometimes (like two nights ago getting woken up every 30min. four times in a row) I feel like my head is going to explode and I want to yell and cry and flail my body and be held and comforted too. But alas, I have to be the calm one who makes everything ok, even if I have no idea if it will be ok. And besides, I would look really stupid doing all of that.

I have decided to start doing things for myself, when I can, to help keep my mind peaceful and strong enough to handle those moments. I am going to go to more yoga classes, take bubble baths, meditate, paint and create during nap-time (if I am not napping myself), and have more dates with only my husband.

Thanks for letting me vent this all out to you (if you made it all the way through). I would love to hear back from you if you have similar experiences, or advice, or anything you want to share.

Ok, I’m going to go make a calendar and watch a movie. 🙂

Love, Alisha

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Rainbows in the Rain January 4, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — lovepaintingrainbows @ 5:30 pm

Don’t worry, I’m still alive!! We have finally moved into our new home and it’s actually feeling like a home. I just got the bathroom and kitchen completely finished, the bedrooms are half done, I cannot see my washer and dryer, and the living room is covered in boxes and toys.
Having said that, we absolutely love our new space! We have a lovely sunny house surrounded by windows, lots of storage, two sheds, a laundry/mud room, two decks, and a fenced in backyard with a swing-set!! We also learned that we have entirely too much stuff! It feels good to start shedding unnecessary items. It’s amazing how much you can accumulate in two years and one baby later. The pre-moving time and moving days were stressful to say the least (hence the “Rain” in my title), but there are many, many rainbows as a result. Mathias is loving the new space and yard and I am loving having painted walls!!
We had wonderful family time at Christmas this year, even though Mathias and I got sick for a little of it. We are having a blast making a new home and hanging out with dear friends/family who share so much Love with us. My wonderful husband told me to leave the house this morning with the computer and go to a coffee shop. Needless to say, I said, “YES!”.  I feel like my mind is calm and quiet for the first time in awhile. But, I’m ready to get back to my homemaking and toddler playing.
I will also be starting a little job this month. Keep an eye out for me doing demos for Nature’s Way products at the Wichita health food stores!! It’s only 3-6 hours a week, which is perfect for me!
I hope you have all had a wonderful holiday season and are starting out the new year with hope and light and Love. I will have pictures of the new place soon!

After thinking about rainbows in my life this morning, I looked at the National Geographic photo of the day and look what I found!

Love, Alisha