love painting rainbows

living love and creating rainbows

The Not so Glamorous Part(s) of Mamahood January 24, 2012

Filed under: Mamahood — lovepaintingrainbows @ 11:14 pm

I am going to expose myself a little bit here. I am stepping out and trusting that you who read this have experienced the same, or at least can relate. I need to do this so that I know I am not the only one who has rough days followed with frustrated thoughts in regards to the responsibilities of being a mama.

The last few days have been a struggle for me, and even Ben, with parenthood. Mathias has been really whiney, grumpy, and waking up screaming in the middle of the night just to be held for a little bit. Wait, I need to back up a bit and say this: I LOVE my son. I wouldn’t want him any other way. Having said that… sometimes (like lately), I get so overwhelmed that I wonder things like, “What the hell am I doing being a mom?! I can’t do this! I don’t even know what I’m doing! I cannot listen to one more whiney cry! Why ย is this happening to me right now?!”, and worst of all, “I wanted to wait like three more years!!! God, why??”.

I know, this sounds really selfish, ungrateful, and ridiculous. I have to believe I am not the only [good] mom out there who has thought this! Not that that justifies my thoughts, but to know that other moms have felt this way and survived gives me hope. I know that life is moving on and there are always going to be good and bad days. I know that my son is a precious miracle that I am so blessed to have.

Have you ever felt this way? What a weird, crazy role this parent thing is. So much love and so much frustration felt all at the same time. Sometimes (like two nights ago getting woken up every 30min. four times in a row) I feel like my head is going to explode and I want to yell and cry and flail my body and be held and comforted too. But alas, I have to be the calm one who makes everything ok, even if I have no idea if it will be ok. And besides, I would look really stupid doing all of that.

I have decided to start doing things for myself, when I can, to help keep my mind peaceful and strong enough to handle those moments. I am going to go to more yoga classes, take bubble baths, meditate, paint and create during nap-time (if I am not napping myself), and have more dates with onlyย my husband.

Thanks for letting me vent this all out to you (if you made it all the way through). I would love to hear back from you if you have similar experiences, or advice, or anything you want to share.

Ok, I’m going to go make a calendar and watch a movie. ๐Ÿ™‚

Love, Alisha


3 Responses to “The Not so Glamorous Part(s) of Mamahood”

  1. Cassi Says:

    I can completely relate to this, Alisha.

    Also, you really cracked me up when you talked about wanting to flail your arms everywhere and that you would look stupid. I got such a hilarious visual of someone doing that right beside the crib and the baby standing and looking on in confusion.

    I also wondered why God gave us Adelynn on His time. I get frustrated too and wonder if I would have more patience/knowledge if I had her at an older age. I read books about child development and bombard my pediatrician with questions each visit. But that doesn’t change that fact that I still get frustrated. Adelynn has been biting me (not like she means it to hurt) it’s her way of defense or showing she is angry. It’s irritating because she has been taught to sign and she is getting really good at picking up words!

    I say all this to say that I can completely understand how you’re feeling. In doing this, I say many quick prayers each day for patience and to love the way Jesus loves me. Oddly enough, I feel parenting actually strengthens my relationship with Christ.

    I often think about myself and how God looks at me. How annoyed he gets with my whining and me telling him ‘no’. He must get so frustrated with me throwing little tantrums when He asks me to do something.

    I don’t think there is any shame in admitting all of this! When I say those quick prayers for my own sanity, I will say a quick one for you as well ๐Ÿ™‚ We’re all in it together!

  2. Cammie Says:

    I don’t think there is anything more noble than honesty. You’ve identified what you’re struggling with, and you know that it should be addressed. What else is there? You’re doing great ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Alisha Says:

    Thanks so much ladies. I am feeling much better since getting all of these thoughts out. And hearing from other mamas. Cassie, thanks! I will say a little prayer for you with mine too ๐Ÿ™‚

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s